I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. I want my baby. 
Continue to infinity… 


18 thoughts on “Wanting 

      1. I just feel like there isn’t anything particularly helpful we can do. I’ve felt helpless since the moment that they told me that Lentil’s heart had stopped. You are helping others by writing about your experience though and that’s helpful to others even if it doesn’t help your situation. I’ve decided I need projects. It sounds stupid but I’m baking all the time. I hate the fact that I can’t bake anything with or for Lentil. I want to make sure that by the time his siblings come along I’m really good at it so that they always have the best parties! I’m also starting a sewing course next month to make sure I can make them the best fancy dress outfits. I enjoy sewing and baking and I need a project but subconsciously I think maybe I need to make myself a better mum before the next one arrives, probably because I feel like I let Lentil down 😦 I think it’s completely natural to just want your baby though and you’re right it is overwhelming. I didn’t understand before how empty arms could ache so much xx


      2. Baking is never stupid! I’m doing well if I manage to have stuck something in the oven by the time my husband gets home from work! I’m not going to argue with you about how you feel you let your baby down. I feel the same way and that I let my husband down. At the same time I feel that my body let me down and even that Isobel let me down. So complicated. And I’m sure you know as do I, that the reality is we didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just that goes against all we are taught – good behaviour is rewarded, bad behaviour is punished. What a lie! X

        Liked by 1 person

  1. My little girls fourth birthday is tomorrow. And all I can think is how much I wish she were here. Making a celebration. And how much I wish I could hold her one last time.


    1. I didn’t know I could want anything with such intensity! It’s so cruel to be left wanting something you actually had.

      Sending you love and strength on Aida’s fourth birthday, she will be very much present in your hearts and minds, and in her big brother’s smiles.

      Your daughter’s birthday is Project Heal’s Day of Hope – have you seen this? http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/2015/06/august-19th-day-of-hope-the-prayer-flag-project.html

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you 🙂
        I haven’t heard of Prayer flag. I’m glad it’s not religious. I’ll have a greater look later. Thanks for sharing!


      2. If you’re on Facebook there’s an event page and it’s nice to see everyone’s flags for their babies as well as heartbreaking that that there are so so many. Definitely not religious, I know it’s very comforting for some people but I find the whole idea of it completely absurd.

        I hope you’re getting through today ok. I am already worrying about next June and our first birthday/anniversary!!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. You’ll realize the build up to the day is always worse than the day itself. It’s never easy. Each year I wonder what I’ll feel like. I know there will be tears. I’ve worked hard to not feel the intense heart breaking pain as much as I once did. And I’m always afraid of it finding me again.


      4. Yes got through the day. It was up and down but made it.
        We now have the 24th, when she passed but it’s never as big of an event as her birthday.


      1. It’s bitter sweet this year w Owen here. I know if she was here, he wouldn’t be. But I’d kill to have both of them with me.
        It’s really hard to think of a way to remember her too. Nothing feels right.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Nothing would feel right except having her with you and that’s the hardest thing. Do anything that you want or feel like doing or nothing if nothing strikes you. No right or wrongs in this x

        Liked by 1 person

      3. That’s what people have been telling me. I feel a sense of guilt that we don’t do some thing special. But it wouldn’t be so special if it were forced.


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