I completely appreciate the purpose of this prompt, as a psychologist I encourage people to practice gratitude and am aware of the links between appreciating what we have and wellbeing. That being said, I am feeling like a contrary brat today.
I am well aware that even now, at the worst time in my life, I have things to be grateful for, things that many other people in the world would wish for. Having a lit and heated home, clothing, enough food to eat, a job I love, the opportunity to indulge in interests, a supportive family, good friends and a loving husband are all things I could put on my gratitude list. Even today in my brat mood it’s not that I’m not grateful for all these things, it’s just that I feel like I deserve them – they are my right. I’ve studied, I work hard, I’m generally a good and loyal friend and family member, I’m a decent enough wife. I deserve everything I have and more. I deserve everything I have *and* my baby. I am grateful that my sweet husband got me this Mother’s Day balloon card from ‘the bump’ but I am angry that this will be my only Mother’s Day card from Isobel, I deserved a lifetime of them.
We don’t have to look far in this world to see that people generally do not get what they deserve. Rewards and punishments are not doled out in a fair fashion in response to good or bad deeds. I can see why some people want to believe in an afterlife where justice is finally implemented, but honestly, if it’s the same ‘god’ overseeing the afterlife,I have no idea how people are confident it will be any more fairly run than this world. For me, this short, imperfect random yet beautiful life is all we have. I suppose I should stop thinking about what I ‘deserve’, and practice a little more gratitude. Maybe tomorrow.