Overall, I am proud of how Simon and I have coped. There have been few days where we haven’t done something productive whether it’s getting outside, exercising or socialising. We talk about Isobel and have made her memory part of our home. I am trying so hard not to avoid things, from little steps like watching Teen Mom to giant steps like visiting my friend and her little girl who is just two weeks older than Isobel should be or monumental steps like going back to the maternity hospital for psychology appointments. I try to accept how I’m feeling and often write about my experiences on my blog – express rather than suppress.
I feel though like I am just surviving at the minute. If healing is happening, it is not yet making a dent in the chasm of hurt that exists within. When my sister’s kids were little and hurt, she used to tell them the little helpers in their body were on their way to fix what was hurting them. I hope that every positive thing I do is sending the helpers to heal what is hurting, that they are working away unbeknownst to me and someday their progress will amaze me.