I have put off writing today because I’m tired and emotional (actually tired and emotional not code for drunk!) and not feeling very reflective but I don’t want to fall at the (second) last hurdle. I’ve found the #captureyourgrief project to be positive as well as challenging. It has been helpful to have a focus for each day, a little channel to run my grief through. I have almost compulsively read other people’s posts, looking for glimpses of myself and my experience in their story. I have so appreciated anyone who has read my ramblings, liked them or taken the time to comment.
It has been painful too. I have such an emotional valence at the minute and I am touched deeply by the pain of others. It has been terrifying also, to read of so much loss at all stages of pregnancy and wonder how it ever comes to be that a baby is born healthy and if I will be telling a story of multiple losses in years to come. Some days after spending hours on Instagram reading stories I have wondered if I am doing myself harm or good. I can’t help but wonder who I will be in October next year, how my grief will look when it is captured then. I know although this project is over my quest for what heals me is only really beginning.