Capture Your Grief: Day 30 – Reflection

  

I have put off writing today because I’m tired and emotional (actually tired and emotional not code for drunk!) and not feeling very reflective but I don’t want to fall at the (second) last hurdle. I’ve found the #captureyourgrief project to be positive as well as challenging. It has been helpful to have a focus for each day, a little channel to run my grief through. I have almost compulsively read other people’s posts, looking for glimpses of myself and my experience in their story. I have so appreciated anyone who has read my ramblings, liked them or taken the time to comment. 

It has been painful too. I have such an emotional valence at the minute and I am touched deeply by the pain of others. It has been terrifying also, to read of so much loss at all stages of pregnancy and wonder how it ever comes to be that a baby is born healthy and if I will be telling a story of multiple losses in years to come. Some days after spending hours on Instagram reading stories I have wondered if I am doing myself harm or good. I can’t help but wonder who I will be in October next year, how my grief will look when it is captured then. I know although this project is over my quest for what heals me is only really beginning.

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2 thoughts on “Capture Your Grief: Day 30 – Reflection

  1. I just wanted to reach out and let you know that I am so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. I too lost my daughter August 18th of this year. I was 11 days away from my due date-what was (supposed to be) the most exciting and anticipated date for 38 weeks and 3 days. Your blog is beautiful, what an amazing way to remember an amazing little baby. How did you hear of ‘capture your grief’ and can anyone do it? Are you finding it helpful/useful?
    Sending you lot’s of love.

    -Ashleigh

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    1. Oh Ashleigh, so sorry for the loss of your little girl. I know at that stage it’s just complete excitement about meeting your baby and if you were like me never a thought that anything bad would happen. It’s so heartbreaking.

      Thank you for reading and commenting, I really do appreciate it.

      A friend of mine saw Carly Marie on Instagram I think and told me about her just after Isobel was born. I would advise following her on FB or Instagram if you use either as she’s very positive and all about making meaning from your babies life but not letting the loss define you. Absolutely anyone can join in with Capture Your Grief. I know it’s over for this year officially but no reason why you couldn’t do a few of the days yourself if you thought it would help you. I have found it helpful to have a focus for my thoughts and to remember to express how I’m feeling rather than keep it to myself. Some friends have read mine on Instagram (none of friends know about this blog as I want to keep it anonymous) and they said it helped them to appreciate what I’m going through as they haven’t had similar experiences and actually aren’t parents yet so can’t even imagine what it’s like. Have a look at the site: http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/capture-your-grief-2015. She does other projects through the year too.

      Hope you find some things that help get you through. It’s just about survival in the first few months!!!!!

      Love to you xx

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