As planned, I was admitted to hospital on Monday 9th May in advance of my Caesarian section on Friday 13th May! At the time we planned it, the purpose of the admission was for observation and monitoring and to help with my anxiety in the final few days. A last minute Gestational Diabetes diagnosis last Friday has meant that my blood sugars are also being monitored and since taking the steroids to mature the baby’s lungs I’ve had to take some insulin as my sugar levels are all over the place.
I’m having mixed feelings about being in hospital. I’m happy to be here and have the responsibility for keeping this baby alive be a little shared! The CTGs twice a day and multiple Doppler heart rate checks in between are so reassuring. It’s good to know that when I have any concerns, I don’t have to go through the waiting period, obsessing about movement and trying to decide if it is in fact reduced and if I need to get checked out. The midwives have been really lovely and answered all my millions of questions!!
The main downside to being here is the other patients! Some are constantly trying to chat and I feel so antisocial but I just want to keep to myself. Telling my story and why I’m here over and over again is too tiring right now. Others are complaining bitterly about being in hospital and want to go home against medical advice even though it will put their baby at risk. They are so naive as to think that nothing bad will happen to them. They don’t know how jealous I am that their baby’s problems have been identified and are being treated. Other stories are striking me with fear, like the woman whose placenta is failing and the baby hasn’t moved in two weeks but for some reason (probably a very good medical reason that I’m not privy to) is being kept waiting for the baby to be delivered. She has been told the baby is conserving energy due to the limited placental functioning and she doesn’t seem overly scared, I’m terrified for her. Every now and then a woman comes in labour and progresses through this ward to the labour and delivery ward. In my mind I imagine their straightforward pregnancy journey, easy and effortless, and I’m jealous.
Nevertheless the time is passing. Two nights done and two to go. Tomorrow I can say that “I’m having my baby tomorrow”! When I saw that positive pregnancy test at the beginning of October 2015 I could never have imagined being here, almost at the finish line. Now I have the same inability to imagine holding a baby boy that’s mine and that’s Simon’s. But that experience too will come, all I have to do is let the seconds tick away…