I count myself lucky that I have whole Venn diagrams of support circles! Family, close friends and an emotionally literate husband! People who still mention Isobel, who randomly let me know they’ve been thinking of her, people who remember important dates and are willing to celebrate them with us. People who acknowledge Theo as my second baby. People who text me every Monday (scan day) during my pregnancy with him. People who came together to raise money for Tommy’s in memory of Isobel and in recognition of the medical care that kept Theo safe. People who understand that even though I have Theo now, that my heart is still hurting and that life is still an effort I would sometimes rather not face. People who know that family gatherings and special occasions will always have a twinge of sorrow for a little girl who should be there.
As much as family and friends can be supportive, it has been life saving to find people who have been through similar experiences. Others who have had their lives turned upside down and who have had to start rebuilding the way that we have. To be with people who make you feel normal rather than completely insane is such a relief, to be able to talk about your baby and your experiences and have it not be awkward, to say the worst things that go through your mind and have someone else say they have had the same thoughts, to be able to make darkly humorous jokes that would horrify other people, these experiences make you feel like you are getting back a little bit of the self that you have lost.
WordPress friends, Instagram friends, the Feileacain Private Support Group and the Pregnancy after Third Trimester Loss group on Facebook have all been there to listen no matter what craziness I’ve needed to vent. Through SANDS support group meetings I have met two ‘real life’ friends that I treasure very much and I thank Isobel for bringing me to Isabella’s mum and Fintan’s mum, you guys are my tribe and I’m so thankful for you!