I’m sure most people fantasise about a world in which their baby didn’t die, but I think I might be the only person that lets myself day dream every now and then about a life in which Isobel never existed. I pretend to myself that Theo is my first baby. I imagine that I never went through the trauma of having a stillborn baby girl, that I am a normal happy mother of one, that there isn’t a big part of my heart missing. It’s like a little taster of a normal life. It can never last long, but the more interesting question is if I would want it to. Would I erase her existence just so that I could save myself from missing her? My heretofore unspoken is that sometimes, I think I would.