I had both “It wasn’t meant to be” and “Everything happens for a reason” in the same enlightening conversation today. I just smiled and agreed. This was what I should have said!
Please don’t tell me “It wasn’t meant to be.” ‘It’ is a ‘she’ and she is my daughter.
She was not a job interview that I didn’t get, or a house that I wanted to buy but was outbid on. She was seven pounds two ounces of perfect baby girl, created and grown with all my love and dreams of the future.
She wasn’t not meant to be, she *was*. What wasn’t meant to be, was her death.
I understand you want to believe there is a reason. To think that there is order, fairness. What’s for you won’t go past you. What goes around comes around. Good things happen to good people. Bad people get what they deserve. Maybe you go so far as believing in karma, or a god who oversees our life paths.
I’m sorry to tell you we live in a world where desperately wanted babies die and other babies are born to be abandoned or abused and broken, by people abused and broken themselves. A world where some people are obese from excess food consumption and others are starving to death – where some people have so much money they couldn’t hope to spend it all in many lifetimes, and others live in doorways and eat waste out of bins. We live in a world where people’s homes are washed away by floods while their fellow humans on a different spot on the globe pray for rain. We live in a world where some people get sick and die far too young, and others live until old age. We live in a world where unspeakably awful things happen to people who have lived careful lives, while people who have been reckless or harmful to others prosper.
There is no order, only chaos. There is no reason, only senselessness and random chance. There is no intelligent design, only the fragility of life, evolved to be only as good as it can be. Nothing is meant to be, or not to be, there is only what is.